Quondam et Futurus
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Merlin and Arthur on the Way to Glastonbury from Deptford High Street (Not Forgetting Whatserface) is a 1993 BBC Radio play written by Nigel Baldwin and directed by Richard Wortley.

The humorous tale features an enviromentalist vegetarian Merlin summoning a new King Arthur through time to pull the Sword from the Stone and save the world. He accidently summons Tony Daley, a knife salesmen from the 20th century, and his sister Faynie Morgan (implicitly Morgan Le Fay) and hack, drug-addled journalist Geoff Monmouth (a play on Geoffrey of Monmouth). Tony is more interested in "birds, booze, and football" than in being a king, and Faynie seeks to actively insert herself into the story as the bearer of the king's child. Regardless the misogynistic Merlin seeks to crown Tony the new king and save the world, and learns in the end that you can't always get what you want.

An excert of the play on Nigel Baldwin's page

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